A Normal Man

Unwilling To Receive Reproof

A normal man is unwilling to receive reproof. Instead, he despises reproof, causing him to reap the fruits of bitterness and anger in his relationship with God and his family. (See Proverbs 10:17; 1:23.) Following his own understanding (what seems right to him) leads to the death of his most valued relationships. He is unwilling to have his blind spots revealed and rejects his wife’s help in developing the skills of connecting on a spiritual, emotional, mental, and physical level.

Unwilling To Admit Weaknesses

A normal man doesn’t admit his weaknesses or inadequacies

in fear that his wife will disrespect him. What he assumes is that by not admitting that he has weaknesses, people won’t know that the inadequacies exist and they will respect him as a strong leader. But in reality, God regards and draws close to the broken and contrite, and to those who tremble at His Word. (See Isaiah 57; 66:2; Psalm 51.) Normal men reveal a cowardly spirit. Fear controls them when they are faced with the brutal facts of their own weaknesses, insecurities, and failures. Because of this, they look for a way of escape. All of this stems from not knowing that, in Christ, they are blameless and holy. (See Colossians 1 & 2.)

Read more Receiving Reproof Makes You A Man of Understanding

Our Goodness Fights God More Than Our Evil

It can be easy to receive reproof for the obvious sins of our flesh, but it’s hard to receive reproof when it is aimed at our own goodness. When reproof is directed at the beam in our own eyes it is difficult to receive because it points to a blind spot that we can’t conquer without the help of others. Our wills are tested when we are faced with the choice to humble oursleves like Paul the apostle did when Christ confronted him on the road to Damascus. Just as Paul was at the mercy of Ananias to show him the way of God, so too we need others to point out our weaknesses—even if they may seem less qualified than us. The true essence of humility is found in regarding others as better than ourselves. (See Philippians 2.)

Living in the Cycle of Criticise, Despise, Defend, and Retreat

The normal man hears everything as criticism and an attack on his manhood. He thinks his wife feels he is inadequate and believes the lie that he can never measure up. He is routinely defeated by the combat cycle of criticism, despair, and defensiveness— making him retreat to his nearest and safest cave or shell. He mistakingly believes that his wife is the enemy and so he comes to confront, sees a threat to his identity, and tries to conquer, but in the end he withdraws and retreats.

Stage One of Nobility

Willing to Acknowledge His Need To See Differently

The first stage of nobility is when a husband becomes willing to accept feedback about his blind spots and character deficiencies. At this point, he is still oblivious to the obvious in knowing how a woman feels loved or rejected. He is willing to acknowledge his need to become a better spiritual leader and begins to seek counsel from other men who are able to mentor him. He starts to experience the first beatitude of humility as he sees the difference between a man-made action and a Christ-like action. He is willing to say, I have been wrong in many of my motives, words, and actions.

He begins to understand that there is not good thing within him, but in Christ Jesus he is more than a conqueror. At this point, has yet to see the future joy in Christ, making him hesitant about going to the cross. He is still at Gethsemane asking the Father, “Is there any other way?”

To learn more about a noble identity in Christ see an A Noble Man’s Blessing Statement.

Stage Two of Nobility

Willing to Listen

The second stage of nobility is when a husband is willing to listen without blaming, complaining, or explaining as his wife expresses her most pressing issues regarding past offenses. She verbally expresses the issue of her heart while he attentively listens. At this point, he is not ready to agree with her, but he is willing to listen.

He approaches the first level of understanding by being able to parrot (repeat) her words back to her, but he still sees the situation from his own perspective, fears, feelings of inadequacy, and past experiences.

To learn about a listening heart read Ears to Hear.

Stage Three of Nobility

Willing To Acknowledge Wrongs

The third stage of nobility is when a man agrees with his wife. He acknowledges that he has been wrong and helps her resolve the problem. His wife is still the one coming back into the relationship and bringing up the unresolved issues. He depends on her to be prudent and wise in heart. (See Proverbs 16:21.) A wife can greatly assist her huband move through the stages of nobility by being “As an earring of gold, and an ornament of fine gold, so is a wise reprover upon an obedient ear” (Proverbs 25:12).

He is beginning to move into the beatitude of mourning over the affects of his sin on others. As he does this, he enters the second level of understanding where he can mentally understand her side of the issue, but he still doesn’t allow himself to fully enter into her perspective or understand her feelings about the issue. He is beginning to enter a deeper level of understanding because he is growing in his identity as a man of God.

To learn more about asking wise questions read 10 Questions of a Courageous Conversation.

Stage Four of Nobility

Willing to Rescue His Wife

The fourth stage of nobility is when a man becomes willing to listen to his wife when she is caught in the ocean of emotion. He begins to represents the character of Christ to his wife through becoming a vessel God can use to rescue His daughter. David explains how the Lord rescued him when he was in this same state “For thou hast considered my trouble; thou hast known my soul in adversities; And hast not shut me up into the hand of the enemy: thou hast set my feet in a large room” (Psalm 31:7-8).

He initiates the conversation after his previous failure to listen and comes back to resolve the issue that is important to his wife, who is still in the midst of spiritual warfare and an emotional battle. He is able to pursue her because he is starting to understand his identity in Christ. He is ready to lose his life for her sake and gain the resurrected life of Christ— which is his only hope of glory. He is beginning to see the truth King Solomon wrote about in Proverbs: “He that regardeth reproof shall be honoured” (Proverbs 13:18). “He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding” (Proverbs 15:32). He is still at the second level of understanding.

To learn more about how to understand others read Four Levels of Understanding.

Stage Five of Nobililty

Willing to Enter Into Intimacy

The fifth stage of nobility is when a man comes to his wife when he senses that she has something on her heart. He is willing to resolve the issue and calls his wife into a safe place to express her whole heart, helping her identify her feelings so he can empathize with her. By doing this, he is experiencing the beatitude of meekness. He is willing for her to lead him into her emotional experience by the way she is communicating to him with her eyes. He now leaves his own perspective and ventures into her world, getting into her boat that is in the ocean of emotion so they can experience true fellowship (i.e. two people in the same ship, going through the same experience).

A noble man recognizes that his wife’s feelings about a problem are the problem, and he becomes willing to, in meekness, admit his lack of character in responding wrongly to her. He does this because he hungers and thirsts for Christ’s righteousness more than his desire to defend his own self-righteousness and because he longs to walk in his noble identity more than his flesh and blood identity. He is now entering the third level of intimacy (in-to-me-see) by being able to leave his own perspective and see into his wife’s heart. He may not agree that she is right, but he can understand how she feels. This is the beginning point of understanding her heart as he experiences the significance of being the man God has called him to be in marriage. He experiences the power of the resurrection life of Christ as the joy of the Lord returns to his wife and he leanrs the truth that when we lose our life we gain it in Christ.

He then launches into experiencing the beatitude of mercy as his wife starts to respond in a loving and merciful way.

To learn more about how to hear your wife’s heart read Zero to Hero.

Stage Six of Nobility

Willing To Pursue His Wife

The sixth stage of nobility is when a man pursues his wife, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically—even when he doesn’t see any visible signs of her distress, but simply wants to pursue and know her heart by calling her into conversation. He is willing to listen to her, identifying any fears or feelings she may have, and take her to the throne of grace, where she will be clothed in His wisdom, grace, power, and love so she can handle any future issues that concern her.

He is now entering into the fourth level of understanding, which is spiritual understanding. He knows that the real woman he married is a spirit, who has a soul and who lives in a body; therefore, he treats her as a whole being. He recognizes that “Though the outward man perish, yet the inward man is renewed day by day.” (II Corinthians 4:16b). His spirit discerns and communicates with the spirit of his wife and other people. Because he has grown in spiritual maturity, his spirit can discern others’ attitudes and emotions without the need of words. The apostle Paul explains, “For what man knoweth the things of a man, save the spirit of man which is in him.” (1 Corinthians 2:11a).

He now begins to understand the beatitude of a pure heart because he is gaining the ability to see as God sees.

He consults with his wife to discern the will of God and makes decisions together after coming into one accord.

To learn more about making decisions as a couple read Making Decisions with Your Wife.

Stage Seven of Nobility

Willing to Be One

The seventh stage of nobility is when a man is willing to come, call, clothe and now connect at all four levels of intimacy. This is the place where he and his wife are united and are free to advance the Kingdom of God. He is able to connect spiritually, mentally, emotionally, and physically because he is willing to walk in one accord with his wife. They have a oneness of spirit, heart, and mind because they have a united passion to love God and each another— and this loves naturally flows into the lives others!

He is now experiencing the rewards of the beatitude of a peacemaker.

He has learned how to develop the relational skills that will make him more effective in the kingdom of God because he understands how to love with a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith. When this happens, his wife is no longer jealous of his other callings as a person, parent, provider and proclaimer. Once her heart is secure in the realization that she is his number one priority next to God, she is willing to help him advance God’s kingdom and sees it as her duty to assist him so he can fulfill his noble call.

The Day of Small Beginnings

“For who hath despised the day of small things? for they shall rejoice . . .” (Zechariah 4:10).

Life is a journey that requires the skilful art of wise living in order to be successful. Those skills are learned in four stages:

1. Unconscious Incompetence—We are not aware of our need because we have blind spots that are causing pain and are keeping us from seeing the reason for our failure. Pride can be a major factor that keeps us from moving beyond this stage because we refuse to listen to reproof and correction. King Solomon stated, “There is a way that seems right to a man but it leads to destruction” (Proverbs 14:12).
2. Conscious Incompetence—We become aware of our blind spots and our need to grow in character and new skills. We stop fretting and begin to put our trust in the Lord through surrendering our pride and self will.
3. Conscious Competence—We are consciously trying to grow and develop new skills. This is an awkward time, but remember, anything worth doing is worthy doing badly at first.
4. Unconscious Competence—This is the stage of mastery. We are governed by Biblciacl principles that have been applied to our lives. We will need to keep the skills in practice and course correct as we apply them in new ways; but overall this stage is where we see real growth in our relationships. We arrive at this stage by failing forward.

God’s Strength

Right before Zechariah tells the people to not despise the day of small beginnings he exhorts them to remember that it is “. . .Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts” (Zechariah 4:6).

Take the time to do as David did in Psalm 57:2 “I will cry unto God most high; unto God that performeth all things for me.”

Nobility Defined

Webster’s 1828 Dictionary Definition:

• Dignity of Mind
• Elevation of soul that comprehends bravery
• Being above everything that dishonors character
• Free; generous, of a noble heart
• Ready to receive truth
• Heroically, with magnamity
• Prefers death to disgrace
• Of an ancient splendid family

Hebrew Definitions:

• Nadiv – inclined, willing, generous
• Nadab – to make willing, to volunteer

Scripture References:

• “Take ye from among you an offering unto the LORD: whosoever is of a willing heart” Exodus 35:5
• “Praise ye the LORD for the avenging of Israel, when the people willingly offered themselves.” Judges 5:2
• “My heart is toward the governors of Israel, that offered themselves willingly among the people. Bless ye the LORD.” Judges 5:9
• “Noble men make noble plans and by noble deeds they stand” Isaiah 32:8
• “Then the people rejoiced, for that they offered willingly, because with perfect heart they offered willingly to the LORD: and David the king also rejoiced with great joy.” 1 Chronicles 29:9
• “And next him [was] Amasiah the son of Zichri, who willingly offered himself unto the LORD; and with him two hundred thousand mighty men of valour.” II Chronicles 17:16
• “And the congregation brought in sacrifices and thank offerings; and as many as were of a free heart burnt offerings.” II Chronicles 29:31

My Definition:

A noble man is someone who has a willing heart. He is willing to be made willing; and according to the grace of God that works in him, to will and to do His good pleasure. (See Phil 2:13.)

A noble man’s soul is transformed; as he moves through each stage of nobility he searches out the truth and receives it with readiness of mind and meekness of heart. (See Acts 17:11 and James 1:21.)

• The major concept of nobility in marriage is summed up in the statement “I am here, I am willing, I want God’s best for us.”

• The major actions of nobility in marriage are: Come by responding in a safe way towards your wife, Call by relating well with her in conversation, Clothe her by reinforcing your love and understanding, Connect with her spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically. This is what God did for Adam and Eve, He came into the garden of Eden, called them out of hiding, clothed them with skins of righteousness so they could once again be connected with Him and be in His presence. Jesus came to the earth, called us unto Himself, clothed us in His righteousness and connected us once again with our Heavenly Father.

Every noble life leaves its fiber interwoven forever in the work of the world. — Ruskin

Posted by Chris Hogan on Friday, May 11, 2007 at 00:00 AM