How do you gain favor with family, friends, and those in authority?

I may know the scriptures well but lack the understanding when it comes to loving others. Understanding is what gives a man favor (See Prov 13:15); it is a man of understanding who will draw out the counsel in the heart of a friend. (See Prov 20:5) Trust is given to these men because of their ability to understand. The surest way to rebuild a relationship is to rebuild trust; the quickest way to rebuild trust is by understanding. People are willing to trust the person who takes the time to understand them. A courageous conversation has been a great help to me in drawing out the counsel in the heart of my wife, children and others with whom I have relationship. It has also been a means to both give and receive understanding.

Three Things Worth Searching For

When I enter into a courageous conversation I remind myself of three things I believe the Lord wants me to search for: they are wisdom, understanding, and knowledge. I commit to being a vessel of God so He can hear the heart of his son or daughter, the person with whom I am having the conversation. I want them to be able to say as David did, I love the Lord because He has heard my voice. (Psalm 116:1). In hearing their hearts we can endeavor to get God’s perspective and identify any false beliefs that do not line up with the mind of Christ, for out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh (See Matt 12:34, Mark 7:21) When we give a person a chance to hear the thoughts and intents of their own heart they can begin to course correct. I don’t want to convince them against their own will because they will be of the same opinion still, therefore, I let them become convinced by the Holy Spirit as they have opportunity to hear themselves speak.

Receiving Reproof that Leads to Life

It is only after they answer all ten questions of a courageous conversation and are satisfied that I have understood their heart that I ask the Lord to reveal what reproof He has for me. If we turn a person’s issue into our own issue during the conversation then we will fail to understand the them and leave their issue unresolved. I ask God to help me separate the wheat from the chaff and reveal the truth of this conversation. Then I receive the reproof of my failures and look for the steps of correction, which the other person has shared during the conversation and pray for the grace to do the training in righteousness that will thoroughly equip me as a man of God to lead nobly. (See 2 Tim 3:16) David said in the psalms Let the righteous smite me; it shall be a kindness: and let him reprove me; it shall be an excellent oil, which shall not break my head (Psalm 141:5)

Six Responses to a Courageous Conversation

The following are six responses to a courageous conversation when reproof is being shared. God reproves not only the person who is listening but also the person who has the issue. Jesus gives us an example of this in Luke 12 And one of the company said unto him, Master, speak to my brother, that he divide the inheritance with me…And he said unto them, Take heed, and beware of covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth. (See Luke 12:13,15) We can’t control whether the other person will accept God’s reproof but we can humble ourselves and receive with meekness the Word of God, which is able to restore our souls.

Three Foolish Responses to Reproof

These foolish responses are the opposite of being courageous. They reveal a cowardly spirit, fearful and timid when it deals with confronting the brutal facts of our own weaknesses, insecurities, and failures. It stems from not knowing our true identity in Christ, which is blameless and holy. (See Colossians 1)

1. Despise Reproof – (na’ats) to spurn, contemn or despise.

• They would none of my counsel: they despised all my reproof. Therefore shall they eat of the fruit of their own way, and be filled with their own devices. (Proverbs 1:30-31)
• And thou mourn at the last, when thy flesh and thy body are consumed, and say, how have I hated instruction, and my heart despised reproof (See Proverbs 5:11-12)
• A fool despiseth his father’s instruction: but he that regardeth reproof is prudent. (See Proverbs 15:5)
• People who despise reproof could even despise the person giving it. Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee… A scorner loveth not one that reproveth him: neither will he go unto the wise. (Prov 9:8; 15:12)

2. Refuseth Reproof – (`azab) to leave, to forsake, to depart from, to abandon, to forsake, to neglect, to apostatize.

• He is in the way of life that keepeth instruction: but he that refuseth reproof erreth (Prov 10:17)
• Who leave the paths of uprightness, to walk in the ways of darkness (Prov. 2:13)
• Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction: but he that regardeth reproof shall be honoured. (Pro 13:18)
• He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding. (Pro 15:32)
• Prideful Rejection – who are you to tell me something; you have just as many faults that I could point out. I don’t believe you, your motives are wrong.

3. Hate Reproof – (sane’) to hate, and to be hateful.

• Correction is grievous unto him that forsaketh the way: and he that hateth reproof shall die. (Prov 15:10)
• For that they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the LORD. (Prov 1:29)_
• Whoso loveth instruction loveth knowledge: but he that hateth reproof is brutish (stupid). (Prov 12:1)

It can be easier to receive reproof for the obvious sins of our flesh but it is difficult to receive reproof that is aimed at our own goodness. Our goodness, our self-righteousness fights God more than our known evil. Reproof that is directed at the beam in our own eyes is so difficult to receive because it is pointing out a blind spot that we cannot see without the help of others. It is a test of our willingness to humble ourselves as Paul the apostle did when knocked off of his horse and blinded. Paul was at the mercy of Ananias to show him the way of God. We too are in need of others who may seem less qualified than ourselves in spiritual matters but this is the essence of true humility, not regarding ourselves as better than others. (See Philippians 2)

Read Psalm 39 to discover David’s way of handling bad reproof, he states, “Every man at his best state is altogether vanity.” Reproof is simply a way of discerning our vanity and purging us from all that is of the world, and of the flesh.

Three Wise Responses to Reproof

These three responses reveal a courageous spirit that comes from knowing one’s true identity in Christ Jesus. We are more than conquerors in Christ Jesus if we are willing to put no confidence in the flesh. A courageous person will count all things as dung in comparison to knowing Christ and the power of His resurrection, which comes from being crucified with Him daily.

1. Turn at Reproof – (shuwb) change mind, beliefs, attitudes, actions, to turn back (to God), to repent, to restore, to refresh, to repair, to bring back.

• Turn you at my reproof: behold, I will pour out my spirit unto you, I will make known my words unto you. (Proverbs 1:23)
• It is only after we have humbled ourselves that God will give us grace by pouring out His Spirit upon us, and opening His Word to us. God regards the man who is broken of his own will and turns towards Him by trembling at His Word. (See Isaiah 66:2)

2. Regard Reproof – (para`) to keep, guard, observe, give heed, treasure up (in memory) to exercise great care over, to attend to or wait upon.

• _ Poverty and shame shall be to him that refuseth instruction: but he that regardeth reproof shall be honoured. (Prov. 13:18)_
• He that keepeth his mouth keepeth his life: but he that openeth wide his lips shall have destruction. (Prov 13:3)
• A wise man will carefully consider both the charges made against him and any advice about correcting the problem in his life for which he is being reproved. He will not react with defensive pride or dismiss the charges without thorough deliberation.

3. Listen to Reproof – (shama) to hear with attention or interest; to perceive; to understand

• The ear that heareth the reproof of life abideth among the wise. (Proverbs 15:31)
• Hearing reproof according to Hebrew language means to not only attend to what is said, but also intending to obey or heed what is being said.

Learning to love reproof is a fast track to spiritual maturity. We can choose the path of least resistance for our flesh and become like crooked rivers and crooked men or we can choose the path of the cross and experience resurrection life that leads to uprightness in heart. We must become wise men who understand God’s ways so we can lead others out of captivity and into the freedom of God’s TRUTH, the Son of His love. A reproof entereth more into a wise man than an hundred stripes into a fool. (Pro 17:10)

Recommended Resource: Teach Them Diligently by Lou Priolo
This is a wonderful book for parenting and teaching our children that all scripture is profitable for doctrine, reproof, correction and training in righteousness.

Posted by Chris Hogan on Saturday, August 05, 2006 at 05:28 AM