Let me share with you a common scenario I have seen among us eager parents who desire to raise up children who are mighty in Spirit: we follow a program or curriculum which we hope will produce the fruit of the Spirit in our families. The steps of a curriculum or program appeal to us and seem within reach of what we hope to achieve. The reality of what we are doing is described in Genesis, in the garden of Eden. We can either draw from the tree of good and evil, which is our own strength and power, or we can draw from the tree of life, which is Christ enabling us by His grace and Spirit to do His good work. The end results of these two distinct paths are a world apart. In Deuteronomy 32:29 God said to Moses, “O that they were wise, that they understood this, that they would consider their latter end!” Let us consider the latter end as we look at a scenario in our families which might be described by the children as follows:

1. Mom and Dad desire to see us be mighty in Spirit.
2. Mom and Dad demand that we become mighty in Spirit by doing certain things.
3. Mom and Dad judge us if we don’t measure up to those things, which makes our home a combat zone. We fear that everything we say or do will be held against us in the court of family law.
4. When Mom and Dad judge us as guilty, we come under their fearful control, which makes us resist and want to rebel.
5. Family relationships are not reconciled through the cross of Christ; but bitterness, blame and shame separate us from the love of God—and from one another.

We have several options of response to this typical situation. First, we can press on and deny the brutal facts that we have destroyed our relationships for the sake of being right in our own eyes.

Second, we can lower our standards; forget our commitments, and change our convictions. When this happens, we change our desires and begin to cope with one another by lowering our expectations. We will forsake God’s ways and do what seems right in our own eyes. There is a way that seems right to a man but it leads to bitterness, greed, and loss of moral freedom. This path leads us to the tormentors of guilt, shame, anger and regret. These are two options of walking in the flesh.

A third option reveals that we must come to the end of ourselves, which is God’s desire for us. Like Paul, we need to get knocked off of our self-effort horse and truly come to a point of putting no confidence in the flesh by beginning to understand what Jesus meant when he said, “Without me ye can do nothing” (John 15:5). As parents, we must learn to desire nothing except the resurrection power of Christ, to grow in becoming credible messengers of the life of Christ in us by doing justly, to love mercy instead of judging others, and to walk humbly with God rather than fearfully trying to control others.

These concepts can be boiled down into three priorities, which are:

1. Become a Credible Messenger

Desire to know nothing except the resurrection power of Christ, to count all else as dung, and to press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. (See Philippians 3.) We must grow into becoming credible messengers who walk in the light, do justly, rid our lives of the leaven of hypocrisy, share failures with others, and repent of hidden sin. Because of this, credible messengers can trust in the righteousness of Christ alone rather than their own intentions, and can grow in Godly desires rather than in self-righteousness. When we understand that God’s justice is in Christ Jesus, we can put our hope in Him instead of demanding justice of our children and ourselves. The Noble Identity statement is a powerful tool that families can use to bless one another, because it allows the focus to be on the life of Christ in them, and it enables them to extract what is precious from the vile. (See Jeremiah 15:19) The result is that we can love from a pure heart that is totally honest before God and can walk in the light of His Word.

Action Step: Develop a Noble Identity Statement: This is a statement based on what God says to be true about who you are and whose you are. See download entitled “Become The Noble Person You Were Born To Be” under the “Planning” tab.

2. Develop a Joyful and Safe Home

Learn to love mercy instead of judging one another when there is failure. When we do this, we provide a safe, joyful home, which enables us to walk in the light and to show mercy by listening to and understanding one another. In Psalm 116:1 David says, “I love the Lord because He has heard my voice.” Courageous Conversations allow bitterness and feelings of shame or guilt to come to the surface and be dealt with at the cross instead of expressing or repressing them. Our hope or expectations cannot be spent or directed in perfecting the flesh, but they must be placed in Christ alone, Who is the hope of glory. Our hope is realized in the pouring out of His grace when we will yield to His working in us, both to will and to do His good pleasure, and to give mercy when we fail. God’s goodness leads us to repentance. The wrath of man does not work the righteousness of God. It is only when mercy and truth work together that iniquity is purged and people depart evil by fear of the Lord. (See Proverbs 16:6.) .

Action Step: Family communion: Communion is a powerful plan God gave us that will keep the walls of separation torn down. This is a way we can love one another with a clear.

3. Incremental Release

Learn to walk humbly with God instead of being controlled by fears. Children need parents who will prepare them for their life purpose by incrementally releasing them to walk in greater faith. This means allowing room for children to fail forward into Christ. Children use these opportunities of incremental release to turn their knowledge of God into convictions grounded in the truth of God. A child needs the help of his parents in discerning his life purpose and in preparing to fulfill it by being allowed and encouraged to go and advance God’s kingdom in incremental steps. This is loving God with a sincere faith.

Action Step: Discover Your Noble Calling: This exercise requires a time for reflection and discussion. See download entitled “Discover Your Noble Calling Exercise” under the “Planning” tab.

The latter end of a family led by parents who are credible messengers who provide a safe, joy-filled home in which children can be incrementally released into their life purpose will be children who are mighty in Spirit, prepared for the Lord to raise up the foundations for many more Godly generations.

No program or curriculum will overcome failure in these vital priorities. If we fail at being credible messengers of God our Father, our children will not believe the message of the good news of Jesus Christ. If we fail at providing a safe, joyful, home in which children feel understood, our children may leave it at the earliest opportunity. If we fail to provide opportunities of incremental release to walk in the Spirit, our children will learn to walk in rebellion under the fearful control of their parents.

I pray that each of us will learn from those who have gone before us. Listen to King Solomon as he gives wisdom to those who have ears to hear, “Hear counsel, and receive instruction, that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end” (Proverbs 19:20).

Download a diagram of the road to brokenness (PDF).

Posted by Chris Hogan on Wednesday, June 14, 2006 at 06:57 AM