As I have spent time in many homes having courageous conversations with sons and daughters I have found a question which daughters have in the depths of their hearts that they are hoping a father can help them answer. In order to understand our daughters, we need to understand the question that resides deep in their heart, it sounds something like this “Do you think I am beautiful?” They view each of our responses and reactions as an answer to this question. We will never be able to fully answer this question for them, we will not be able to make our daughters whole even if we read every book and watched every DVD because we are only men. We as men were not designed to meet every need and anticipate every crisis that occurs in our daughter’s lives. The deep longings in our daughters hearts were made for God the Father, we can be a part of bringing our daughters to Him. We are vessels of God used by Him to impart His love so they will feel secure enough to continue to go to Him on their own. We can help them fill the depths of their souls by knowing Him, hearing His voice in daily devotions, and realizing that they are the apple of His eye.

We play a vital role in helping our daughters become virtuous women who are free in Christ to fulfill His purpose and plans on the earth. We are to listen to God, be led by His promptings and to share what is on His heart for His daughters, to speak the truth about their beauty in Christ so that the lies of Satan can be overcome. These daughters of God will get a taste of what it means to be loved by Him as we listen to them, show them unconditional love and be connected with them. We are to show them the way to the great love of God that He has bestowed upon us.

When a daughter has a father who has revealed the love of God to them, they have a certain confidence and peace about them. They realize that God’s love is not distant, judgmental, or harsh. They have a confidence to come boldly into the throne room of God because they have been there many times before with their earthly father, they recognize the truth that God is faithful and just to forgive them of their sins and cleanse them from all unrighteousness because they have seen it modeled in their earthly father.

Love to a daughter means will you accept her in each stage of maturity. She will ask you, “Will you embrace and value what is different about me and encourage me to continue in my growth? Can I walk in the light with you and be accepted and forgiven or do I need to keep things hidden and pretend with you to get your surface acceptance? Will you love me if I disappoint you? Can I trust you with my failures and hope in your assistance to overcome them, or do I need to do this alone in solitude?”

The key to this is to remember that we will not be perfect in our love for our daughters, our goal is to help them connect to the Father of Heaven whom they were made for, to experience His love when we have failed them. To humble ourselves when we misrepresent His love and share with them how to be in relationship with the One who answer their deepest heart questions.

I have seen the transforming power of this fatherly love while working with families whose daughters have begun to turn their hearts away from their parents. Here is just one testimony of a daughter who felt God’s love as her father listened to her heart in such a safe way that she felt valued, treasured and beautiful once again.

_I had a problem with my dad. For 20 years. In that time, I’ve gone in and out of periods of frustration. In the last couple years my frustration with our relationship grew intense. I didn’t feel my dad would let me in. He’d praise me. He admired me. I knew that he loved me. But as I got older, I realized there was an area we couldn’t go in our relationship. I couldn’t nestle into Dad, there wasn’t an easy flow of spirit and heart between us. I think and feel deeply. I desire to connect on a deep level with my father. To be known in my fears, hopes, failures, and feelings. And to be accepted regardless. To feel his arm around me and to hear his, “It’s okay”. When I told him I needed this, he wanted to be that for me. But something kept him from being able to do it. To be free with me. In fact, he seemed to panic. He seemed to avoid the whole issue. I couldn’t understand.

So there was tension. I wrestled with anger regularly. My mind would circle around and around trying to find a solution. Some men are the silent type. But my dad wasn’t. Yet, he couldn’t seem to be real with me — he seemed on autopilot and I couldn’t seem to get through to his heart.

I’m saying this to give you an idea of how uptight a relationship we had when we sat down with Chris. I had pretty much come to the conclusion that our relationship might never change. I didn’t have any answers left. So, let me encourage you. There is always hope. God can bring you what you need. And he can supply the answer. And while the circumstances may not be changing, He is building so much into you.

When my dad and I sat down with Chris, I didn’t know what I was going to say. But as he and Dad asked me the questions, all the things God had been showing me and building into my life during those time of stress began to surface and God enabled me to put them into words.

I’ve never seen anything like the courageous conversation. Because we separated his issue from mine, Dad was able to hear me. Because I felt heard, I was able to hear Dad. Now that we understand about adequacy and living in Christ, we can quickly deal with tensions in our relationship. I can nestle into my dad. I can share my heart and feel he hears me and cherishes me. It was a courageous thing for my dad to initiate our conversation with Chris. I am grateful for that act of courage. Through it I have a loving, growing relationship with him.

The principles of the courageous conversation have opened up the whole world for me. Life in Christ has become a living reality. There is a new positiveness in my thoughts and relationships. I can sort out my thoughts and find resolution instead of going in negative circles. I can fellowship with God, thinking about His Word and hearing Him. Scripture holds a new sense of excitement for me. God has given me power, love, and a sound mind. And I am grateful. Thanks, Dad.

May we become noble men who are courageous in Christ Jesus!

Posted by Chris Hogan on Sunday, May 14, 2006 at 11:16 AM