Family communion is a powerful remedy God has given for breaking down the walls that seperate us. The pattern among prodigals is that most of them were hurt by a father who has not humbled himself to resolve the issue. Just as God says, “to this man will I look, even to him that is poor and of a contrite spirit, and trembleth at my word” (See Isaiah 66:2) so children look to the same type of fathers. The hearts of children are turned towards those who are of an understanding heart.

Preparing for communion as a family is a means to maintaining the precious and pleasant riches that come from brethren dwelling together in harmony. (See Psalm 133) God commands a blessing on each family when they learn to walk in the light one with another and enjoy fellowship with God and others. The end of the commandment is that we learn to love with a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith.

The Cause of Prodigals

The following story is from an interview of Phil Waldrep on Family Life today.

A man came to me recently, and he said, “You know, I know there’s a barrier between me and my son, and I just don’t know what it is. And I just don’t know how to find out what it is.” And I said, “Well, let me make a suggestion. Why don’t you ask him?” He said, “You know, I didn’t think of that.” And I thought, “That’s rather obvious to me.” If you want to know what the barrier is, ask them. I have a pastor friend who is a wonderful man, and his son is a pastor. So in that classical sense, he is not a prodigal, and I think that needs to be made clear.

What Causes Barriers in Our Relationships?

But one day that elder was talking to me, and he said, “Phil, I know you’re good friends with my son, who is also a pastor.” And he said, “You know, we have this strange relationship.” He said, “Even though I’m very proud of my son, I’m very proud of what he’s doing, he has a wonderful relationship with his mom, he has a wonderful relationship with his siblings, but there is a barrier between us. I mean, when we’re together, it’s obvious there’s a wall between us, and I have wracked my brain trying to find out what it is, and I just don’t know what it is. Do you know what it is?” And I said, “Of course not. I don’t know what the barrier is.” And he said, “Well, I just don’t know how to find out what it is.” And so I said, “Well, why don’t you ask him?”

He called me a few months later, and he said I need to tell you what happened. He said, “We were grilling hamburgers one day, my son and his family was at our house,” and he said, “It was a perfect opportunity, and I said, ‘Son I want to ask you a question,’ and he said, ‘Sure, Dad.’ He said, ‘You know, you have this wonderful relationship with your mom and your siblings, but there is this barrier between us, and I don’t know what it is. So, Son, have I ever done anything that offended you, wounded you, hurt you?’” And the older father was prepared for his son to say, “No, Dad, you’ve never done anything,” you know, “It’s just a man thing.”

A Son Reveals the Wound

But instead, he said, "My son looked at me, and tears came to his eyes, and he said, ‘Yes, Father, there was a time you wounded me deeply.’ And he said, “Well, son, I don’t recall there ever being a conflict. Can you tell me when it occurred?” He said, “Yes, Dad, I’ll tell you.” He said, “Do you remember when you were pastoring,” and he recalled a large city, and he said, “Yes.” “And do you remember that year, as a 12-year-old boy, I wanted to play baseball?” “Yes.” “And do you remember there were so many boys that wanted to play Little League Baseball that year, that they divided the teams into American League and National League. We actually had two leagues within one league?” And he said, “Yes.” "And then do you remember the day that I came by the church, came into your office, and said, “Dad, guess what?” and you said, “What?” “I just got word today that I made the All Stars in the National League.” And you said, “Well, Son, that’s wonderful, I’m proud of you.” And I said, “Dad, my All-Star Game is Thursday night, are you going to come?” And you looked at me and you said, “Son, I really wish I could be there, but I’ve got a very important meeting at the church, and I need to be here, but I’m sure you’ll do great.”

He said, "Dad, that didn’t wound me, I was accustomed to that. But what did wound my spirit was the next day when your favorite nephew and I came by the church, and he came into your office and said, ‘Guess what, Uncle, I made the All-Stars in the American League.’ And you said to your favorite nephew, “That’s great, I’m proud of you, that’s wonderful.” And he said, “Well, this next Tuesday night, I’ve got my All-Star game. Can you come?” And you looked at your favorite nephew and said, “You know, I have a meeting Tuesday night, but I’m going to cancel that meeting to be at your game.” And he said, “Dad, you canceled the meeting for him to go to his game, but you wouldn’t come to my game.”

A Wise Father’s Response

And the elder father, when he was telling me this story, he said, “Phil, I need to tell you that I wanted to give my son an explanation, for that nephew was my sister’s son, she is a single parent, he has no father figure in his life. She was having some trouble with his rebellion, and I really needed to spend some time with him to encourage him and maybe influence him, and so my motive was pure. I wanted to help my nephew over some rough water, but in the process of helping him, I wounded my own child.” And he said, "At that moment, I started to give an explanation, and the Holy Spirit said, ‘No, he doesn’t need an explanation. He needs a dad who is willing to admit I made a mistake, can you forgive me?’ And he said, "When I was willing to say those words to my son, that barrier came tumbling down, and he said now we have a wonderful relationship.

From an article entitle “Parenting Prodigals” you can read the whole article at FamilyLife Today

Steps to Prevent Prodigals and Build Harmony.

For the past three years we have instituted these three steps in our family communion which we do each week in our Sunday fellowship time. Each father takes his family to a seperate room and prepares his family for communion by allowing time to obey the commands of Matthew 5:24, and Matthew 18:15. We leave our gifts at the altar and make things right with those we have offended, then we willingly listen to those we have unknowingly offended so they we can be restored.

As fathers we are often times amazed at the issues our children bring up to which we were oblivious. We see how the enemy has been accusing, blaming, and mounting up evidence against us so he can rob the kingdom of all it’s Godly seed. We must mount an offensive strategy in this war for our families. One of our greatest weapons is the blood of Jesus that washes away all of our sins.

I have noticed that some families suppress all their hurts because it is not safe enough to discuss them, others express everything they feel and yet neither family finds resolution. It is not enough to suppress or express, we must redress (See footnote) our issues by first taking them to the cross so they can be cast into the see of forgotten sins, and removed as far as the east is from the west, as well as take the opportunity to ask forgiveness to allow their hearts to be healed.

I have watched my own children find relief from their guilt as they have confessed their sins and have asked forgiveness one of another. This requires a safe environement of mercy and truth which is established by the father’s humilty and understanding heart. A father must have the mindset of restoration of the spirit vs. perfection of the flesh in order to truly be effective in leading family communion.

Step One – Humbly Ask Forgiveness

Just as God looks to the man who is broken and contrite, so do wives and children. When we humbly ask forgiveness for any known sin we have committed against our family, it releases the grace of God upon us, but also releases our children from the poisonous toxins of bitterness. They may be reacting to our sins or perceived sins and it could be causing them to resist the grace of God. The cause of all sin is when we misunderstand the character of God and thereby resist His grace to willingly surrender and trust Him. Scripture says we are to be "Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled; Lest there be any fornicator, or profane person, as Esau, who for one morsel of meat sold his birthright. For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears. (See Hebrews 12:15-17)

A good friend of mine with nine children who had hearts for God once told me that the key to maintaining the hearts of children is to ask forgiveness often. I’ve seen the truth of this played out in my own life as my children have been growing older. We are not called to be perfect in the flesh, we are called to be restored to the perfection which is in Christ Jesus. When I fail the grace of God and cause my children to be provoked, they will often mention to Anne, “I’m sure daddy will make things right on Sunday.” My goal is to make it right quickly but sometimes it takes me a while to figure out that I am the one who has sinned against my children or wife. We are trying to provide a safe place of mercy and truth so no sin will go unconfessed. How can we have fellowhship one with another unless we walk in the light and confess our sins one-to-another?

When we do this we are following the command to leave our gift at the altar and go make things right with those we have offended. (See Matthew 5:24)

Step Two – Do Reconnaissance

We do reconnaissance by asking “Have I done anything this past week that has offended you, wounded you, or hurt you?” Many times we may be oblivious to our sins of omission which our families pick up on very quickly. My daughters are most sensitive to those times when I fail to affirm my love for them in the way that they experience love. This question, when asked in a very sincere way will draw out the hurts that the enemy is nursing within them. When our children withdraw and we experience a time of silence, the enemy is filling this vaccum of silence with his half-truths, lies, and accusations. When we ask this question, we are really doing reconnaissance work to discover what the enemy is up to in the heart of our children. This is not a time to blame, complain, or explain. This is a time to understand and clarify what is going on with our children so we can become a vessel of God to once again open their hearts to receiving God’s grace. As long as the enemy has them bound up with bitterness they are not free to willingly respond to God’s promptings. Your response should be something like this, “Would you please forgive me for not being more aware of your needs, or for not being more Christlike?” When we take the initiative to

When fathers rescue the hearts of their children, they become heroes worth following. It doesn’t feel like rescue work or like being a hero when you are humbling yourself, but denying yourself and picking up your cross is the way of gaining one’s life in the kingdom of God.

When we do this we are following the command to hear our brother, our family as they come to us when they are offended. (See Matthew 18:15)

Step Three – Ask For a Blessing

We are asking to be blessed with the character qualities we need to overcome this pattern of sin. We need to cry out for help in the day of trouble, God draws near to those who are of a broken and contrite spirit. When we ask for a blessing we are doing two things.

1. We are acknowledging our need for God’s grace and mercy. God gives grace to the humble but resists the proud. We can cry out to God like David in Psalm 57:2 “I cry out to God most High who performs all things for me.”
2. We are getting on the same team by enlisting the help of our family. When we allow our children to minister to us, we are giving them the chance to receive God’s grace and allowing them to experience the power and significance of being a channel of God’s love.

Allow Family Members to Follow Your Example

When our children believe it is safe enough to confess their sins, they will begin to humble themselves and break the cords that are binding them. Communion can break the power of sin that is in secrecy. Our families will be as a sign and a wonder to the nations when we have love one-for-another. (See Isa 8:18)

Three ways we love as a result of communion

1. Love from a pure heart – we experience the joy that comes from knowing our sins are forgiven and God’s unconditional love is one we cannot earn and therefore we cannot lose. See 1 John 1:8-9,
2. Love from a good conscience – we experience the freedom of a clear conscience that is void of offense when we obey Matthew 5:24 and Matthew 18:15
3. Love from a sincere faith – we experience the power to live victorious in Christ as we overcome hypocrissy by being transparent and authentic.

Now the end of the commandment is charity out of a pure heart, and of a good conscience, and of sincere faith." (See 1 Timothy 1:5)

Fathers, I beseech you to fight for your sons and daughters, to fight for your wives and your homes. The enemy is robbing the kingdom of Godly seed because we are not taking the initiative to lead our families to the cross. Our children are hoping and waiting for us to take the lead in restoring relationship. Let us go forth and deliver them from the kingdom of darkness into the kingdom of the Son of God’s love. Read the following story and see if this would not shake your home if you did the same.

Buried in the classified somewhere between Cars for Sale and Apartments for Rent was a one-inch square that would shake the city of Madrid.
The ad read: Paco, all is forgiven, please come home. I will meet you at the steps of this newspaper’s office on Monday at 4 p.m. I love you, Dad.

You can guess the context of the ad by what it says – and doesn’t say. It was written by a Spanish father at odds with his son. The son had rebelled and left home. The father was feeling bad and wanted his son to return, but didn’t know where his son was or how to get a hold of him. So he posted this notice in the newspaper.

As the story goes, when the dad came to the newspaper steps about 4 p.m. on Monday, he was met not by his son, but by a sea of searching faces. About two hundred young men named Paco had shown up. And every single one of them hoped it was his dad who wrote the ad and expressed his love.

Communion is one of the greatest ways to express our love and be a conduit of God the Father’s love to our children. God’s love is shown through the act of forgivness.

Footnote: Redress – to set right, to make up for, to remove the cause of (a grievance or complaint), to requite a wrong or loss, to heal

Posted by Chris Hogan on Sunday, December 24, 2006 at 07:04 AM