1. Understand the real goals of chores.

The purpose of chores isn’t simply to get onerous talks done — or even to teach youngsters “how to work.” Sparkling dishes or a tidy bedroom are less important than developing the character that glorifies God and the competence that builds trustworthiness in a child. Doing chores also helps a child understand the need for people to cooperate and to work toward common goals. These working relationships are oiled by the trust that exists between people. A trustworthy person is one who has developed spriritually, emotionally, mentally and physically.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery said, “If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up people to collect wood and don’t assign them tasks and work, but rather teach them to long for the endless immensity of the sea.” I am striving to instill a vision in my children for developing the full potential of our home and turning it into a ministry center to bless the nations. We are not just simply cleaning floors, doing dishes, and making meals, we are making our home a center of worship, learning, health, hospitality and productivity. They have experienced the joys of ministering to people on a weekly basis and it gives them a context for doing chores. Drudgery occurs in chores when their is no vision or context for doing them.

2. Start early.

The urge to “help Mommy” comes almost as soon as a child can walk. A child of two can fetch and carry, or even sort laundry. My wife Anne would put socks on the children’s hands to help her dust when they were two and three years of age. One day I noticed my mirrors looked dirtier than when I had left home that morning, Anne said she had been teaching the children to clean windows that day. I wasn’t too happy about having looking into streaked mirrors but Anne encouraged me to be patient and to praise the efforts they were making. Today I rejoice in all the competent help we have around the house. Many hands are making a big load much lighter. You can also make clean up a game: “Let’s put the truck in the garage for the night.” The child of four or five can understand simple instructions, run small errands and be expected to put away toys, pick up clothes or carry off his own dinner dishes. The five-year-old can graduate to family responsibilities. A good first assignment is to set the dinner table, but any simple task that brings satisfying results will do. Don’t underestimate what a child can do, give them the chance and praise their efforts.

Don’t rush children into jobs beyond their skills, however. A new task should challenge, but it must also affor the child a feeling of accomplishment. If children become discouraged, they may be unwilling to try again. This is a very important point, children want to be of help but we can quickly discourage them by expecting them to do adult like work. If children become discouraged, they may be unwilling to try again.

3. Set realitic standards

Obviously, an adult can do most jobs better than a child can. Resist the temptation to do it yourself or “do it over.” This only undercuts the child’s feelings of competence and confidence.

Here are five steps to training a child for chores:

1. Parent explains the desired results and goes through the five elements of a noble plan. See Chores Part 2: A Noble Plan that Motivates
2. Parent performs the chore and models character while explaining it as they do it.
3. Child performs the task and memorizes character definition while parent coaches.
4. Child teaches the parent how to do the chore.
5. Child prepares to teach a brother or sister.

The best way to teach kids how to do a job is simple repetition. Allow a child to come up with better ways to do the chore, don’t interfere if they want to do it their own way. My children have developed creativity and often come up with better ways to do a chore.

4. Don’t bribe.

The best payment for a job is a smile, a hug or a “thank you.” Telling others how proud you are, within the child’s earshot, is another form, or compensation. Indeed as children learn for themselves, planning and completing a task is a reward in itself. Children who are charged with household responsibilities reap the benefits of learning life skills, time management, and perseverance. They earn genuine satisfaction at a job well done which goea far beyond the material profits they could earn. Children who contribute nothing and indeed live an artificial life of leisure are lacking purposeful work. This may be a cause of an increasing tendency towards many social ills, including delinquency, adolescent depression, and suicide. Children have no sense of significance because they are not required to contribute to anything meaningful.

5. Support “outside” work.

This picture is of our children cleaning up their grandparents yard after an ice-storm. They get plenty of work in our neighborhood because the people see and desire the results their work. Weeding gardens, baby-sitting and delivering newspapers will help your kids learn how to work to different people’s standards, as well as giving them incremental release opportunities to learn further lessons in responsibility. It also gives them the opportunity to hear from others how much their character and skills are appreciated. These confirming testimonies give my children confidence in what I am telling them. It also allows people to see their good works and glorify their Father in heaven.

6. Don’t over do it.

Work is valuable; drudgery isn’t. Too many duties can intrude on the child’s education, social activities or other aspects of growing up. We don’t want to overburden children with adult responsibilities so they come to think of themselves as a “slave,” rather than a family member. I had many young ladies tell me to warn parents not to become so dependent on oldest daughters that they cause them to lose a sense of their own life purpose.

Another caution we must heed as parents is to let the children know they are loved for who they are and not for what they do. Children already want the approval of a parent and will work hard to gain this, but they need the reassurance of who they are in Christ so they don’t develop a performan orientation. We all long for the security of unconditional love, a love that cannot be earned and therefore cannot be lost. Let us reaffirm God’s truth of salvation by grace alone as we love our children inspite of how well they do their chores. David said “God’s gentleness has made me great,” may it be said so of us as we allow God’s gentleness to pour through us as we work side-by-side with out children. Remember it is God’s goodness that leads us to repentance, not the wrath of man.

This article is adapted from a January, 1986, Reader’s Digest article by Edwin Kiester, Jr., and Sally Valente Kiester

Additional Articles

Chores Part 1: A Key Factor to Success

Chores Part 2: A Noble Plan that Motivates

Chores Part 3: Maintaining the Momentum

Resources available through IBLP IBLP Store

Posted by Chris Hogan on Friday, March 23, 2007 at 03:41 AM