Recently I was confronted with the brutal facts of my children’s lack of knowledge in basic science. My father had spent the afternoon with many of his younger grandchildren. My young niece began teaching my children about the globe, the equator, and how to determine what time it is in the world, using a globe. (At the time, my oldest daughter was eleven years old.) My dad expressed his disappointment that my children did not know these facts. I realized he was right; my children probably lacked other academic knowledge as well. I was being measured by the standards of the public school system, and I was coming up wanting. During the conversation I realized that my goals for home education were very different than the goals of public schools. I confessed to my dad that we were failing in some areas of academic progress. I then shared the goals we have for home education.

I shared these five desired results we are looking to gain from our efforts. These are based on God’s dealings with Adam and Eve in Genesis and Paul’s exhortation to us in Colossians 3 and 4 and Ephesians 5 and 6.

• Help each child gain wisdom to make life decisions in order to be a successful person.
• Help each child develop life skills that will add value to others’ lives, as he/she becomes a successful provider.
• Help your children develop a dynamic life message that will impact the world so they can be successful proclaimers of truth.
• Help each child develop the character to be a successful life partner.
• Help each child develop disciplines to be a successful parent.

1. Help each child gain wisdom to make life decisions in order to be a successful person.

The one thing we cannot fail to do is to make sure our children can hear from God through His Word on a daily basis. Every other effort will be rendered inconsequential if we are negligent in this area. Paul exhorts us in Colossians 3 to let the Word of God dwell in us richly.

As parents, we can fall into the trap of believing that if we educate our children well, they will be able to get a good job and have a good life. They will be able to get positions, possessions, and pleasures if they are well educated. We train them to prepare for life through education so that they can take the world by storm. When I work with executives, I ask them, “Being successful in achieving positions, acquiring possessions, and experiencing pleasures will not compensate for failure at what?”

Most of the leaders I work with will say that success in these three areas will not compensate for failure in their relationships. When our children can hear from God by His Spirit, revealing His Word to them, they will have wisdom to live successfully. If our children gain the whole world and lose their souls, all of our efforts in educating them will be for naught.

Our focus is to seek first the kingdom of God. We need to be careful that education does not become a means in helping our children be more successful in gaining positions, possessions, and pleasures. When we use God’s blessings to promote the pride of life (positions), the lust of the eyes (possessions), and the lust of the flesh (pleasures), we corrupt our children.

My dad agreed that my children were wise for their age. In his talks with them, he has witnessed the moral fiber and wisdom they are developing, which is keeping them from foolish behavior.

2. Help each child develop life skills that will add value to others’ lives, as he/she becomes a successful provider.

We made a decision to make service, work, and study their priorities until the age of ten, and then expand academic wisdom as the children grow older. In a 40-year study that began in the 1940s, which was started in an effort to understand juvenile delinquency, the lives of 456 teenage boys from inner-city Boston were followed. Many of the boys were from impoverished or broken homes. When they were compared at middle age, one fact stood out: regardless of intelligence, family income, ethnic background, or amount of education, those who had worked as boys, even at simple household chores, enjoyed happier and more productive lives than those who had not. They had better marriages and closer relationships with their children. They were healthier and lived longer. As a by-product, they did earn more money and had greater job satisfaction¹. Can you imagine what could happen if we teach our children to seek first the kingdom of God and then to become diligent in their labors? They will stand before leaders and influence the world for Christ, and all the other things will be given them for Christ’s glory.

Paul exhorted us, “Whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men” (Colossians 3:23), and he also said, “Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eye-service, as men-pleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God?” (Colossians 3:22). Each child has learned to work diligently and stay with a job until it is completed—not merely to please us, but to give their best to God. A saying in our home is, “If you don’t work, you don’t eat.” This includes cleaning your room before coming down to eat and completing specific chores before and after meals. We have also learned how to give mercy when necessary.

My dad, being a businessman, is aware of the lack of skills in many new employees. If they do have skills, they often don’t have a diligent work ethic that leverages each skill. My dad agreed that the children are diligent workers—they often help him in his yard and stay with a job until it is done.

3. Help your children develop a dynamic life message that will impact the world so they can be successful proclaimers of truth.

The children are learning to minister as a family by developing the full potential of our home as a ministry center. My father has witnessed many of the gatherings in our home and has seen how the children contribute to making our home a center of worship, learning, hospitality, health, and productivity.

My goal as a leader of the home is to try and help my children realize that we are not cleaning our home; we are preparing a ministry center for service. Saint Exupery stated, “If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea. As for the future, your task is not to foresee it, but to enable it.”

4. Help each child develop the character to be a successful life partner.

We spend a lot of time helping our children keep short accounts by asking forgiveness, having courageous conversations, and blessing one another. Our goal is not perfect children—our goal is yielded children. Often when my children will say they don’t want to do something, I tell them that I understand and that I wouldn’t want to do it either, but the real question is, “Are they willing to be made willing by God’s grace?” We can do nothing apart from God’s grace. My only desire for them is that they be willing to exchange their lives for the life of Christ in them.

My dad has witnessed the way our children interact with one another and with his friends. We discussed how so many young people who are highly educated cannot get along with their parents or relate well with others.

The values of love and respect are essential for loving people. Paul exhorts wives to honor their husbands and husbands to love their wives. These values are instilled in children from a young age as they interact within a family circle, learning to submit one to another.

5. Help each child develop disciplines to be a successful parent.

Children learn by what they see us do—not so much by what we say. The disciplines a child learns at an early age are the foundation for success in later life. Paul exhorts fathers to not provoke their children to wrath, but to meekly and gently instruct them in the ways of life. According to Michael Mitchell, author of Building Strong Families, “Approximately 90 percent of what we do every day is governed by the habits in our lives.”

“First we form habits, then they form us. Conquer your bad habits, or they’ll eventually conquer you” (Dr. Rob Gilbert). Form habits of success and the habits will form the man/woman later in life. I have seen older children in a family become bitter as they struggle to develop the good habits that their younger siblings are learning early in life. Life is much easier when Godly habits are formed early—habits like daily devotions, a listening ear, a wise tongue, routine chores, home organization, keeping a journal, and consistent personal hygiene.

Crooked rivers and crooked men are formed the same way: they take the path of least resistance. Time and pressure can change the course of a river, and they can change the course of a child’s life. It takes time and consistent pressure to help children form the disciplines of a successful life. At times Dad has had to wait for the children to come out and help him because they were not done with their chores or homework. He has also seen the way the older children care for the younger ones, and he acknowledges the wonderful preparation for parenting they have.

I thanked my dad for the reproof and agreed that I needed to gird up our academic efforts. That night I went home and taught my children about the globe and how to use it. Within half an hour they knew about the equator, how to tell what time it is in different countries, and a few other facts. The next day I had them share their newfound knowledge with Grandpa. He told me afterwards that he got the point; we both realized that knowledge is easy to acquire. It takes much more effort to gain the wisdom to be a successful person, the skills to be a successful provider, the life message to be a successful proclaimer, the character to be a successful life partner, and the disciplines to be a successful parent.

I would caution you with the fact that knowledge puffs up. I thought I would impress my father the next month by having the children recite all they learned about the Civil War period. One night I asked the children to share with their grandparents what they had learned. To my horror, my daughter Sophia mentioned the Emancipation Constipation. I asked Emily who was President during the Civil War, and she said, “George Washington.” After a few more examples like this, I was thoroughly humbled. My dad giggled and said, “Well, I guess it might take a little more review.”

Here are a few questions that will help your children develop a noble plan for fulfilling God’s calling in their lives.

Ask your son or daughter what they think God’s Calling is for his or her life this year.

• Person – What activity, if done consistently, will have the greatest impact on his/her walk with God?
• Provider – This year, what skills can he/she learn that will have the greatest impact on his/her ability to provide in the future?
• Proclaimer – What life message does God want to develop in his/her life that will demonstrate God??s power in overcoming the world, the flesh, and the devil?
• Partner – What two character traits need to be developed this year in order for him/her to develop fulfilling and lasting relationships?
• Parent – What single discipline can he/she develop that will have a significant impact on others’ lives, if he/she does it with excellence (i.e., listening with interest to let someone know he is special)?

¹ (Edwin Kiester, Jr., and Sally Valente Kiester, “How to Raise a Happy Child,” Reader’s Digest, January 1986).

Posted by Chris Hogan on Tuesday, November 01, 2005 at 06:28 AM