A Daughter’s Testimony by Christy Wright

I had a problem in my life. My health was a wreck. I was in my thirties and still at home with my parents. And while I loved my father and he loved me, our relationship had reached a crisis point, a standstill. I had come to a point where I needed my dad to enter into my life and heart in a deep way.

I told my mom my struggles – but I somehow needed my father as the chief man in my life to listen to them and then put his arm around me, take me to God about them, and assure me of his own love for me. As a woman, I needed to be assured that he understood my heart, and then to be able to lean on and rest in his strength. I’d needed this as a child, true, but it became paramount as I grew older and had greater difficulties, stress, and pain in my life. Yet, I couldn’t seem to convey this to Dad. More than that, I needed to feel safe sharing my heart with him, and I didn’t. Things I considered appropriate for the home circle my dad would share with other people. This gave me no sense of trust in his discretion. So in large part, I held it in, waiting for the day I could trust him.

I wanted to be known by my father. I wanted him to cherish and value what I shared. Perhaps because I was not married, I felt a greater desire and need for intimate knowledge between him and me. To know he knew my heart in a way no one else knew. God had put him in the place to be my shepherd, to guide me, protect me, and care for my needs. To do this well, he needed to know me, and to understand specific tactics the enemy was using on me. Because he didn’t, I felt vulnerable.

I am a capable person, especially in spiritual and psychological areas, so I think my father assumed I could do fine on my own. But I was dealing with major stress in my relationship with him. I had tried to give him some idea of my need for his involvement, but while he recognized what I said had merit, nothing changed. He seemed unable to engage me and uncomfortable with my need. This was hard for me. But I began to go to God to deeply Father-love me and I began to be knit to Him at a heart level like I’d never known. I was then able to accept that my relationship with my earthly father might remain the way it was for the rest of our lives.

At this same time, my parents and I attended a Total Health Conference. My father asked Chris Hogan to coach us in a courageous conversation. Leading up to this conference, I understood we might end up in a personal session with Dr. Gothard or Mr. Hogan and I agonized over what I would say was the problem. My dad loved me and wanted what was for my good. Lined up by any man, he seemed to me a loving, caring father. Why did I feel so frustrated, hurt, and by myself? I struggled with this and went around and around in my thinking. I prayed. Mom prayed. And I asked a friend one day in a general way to pray that I’d know what to say. From then on, I had a rest about it. I had an amazing grace – and when the time came for that courageous conversation, God gave me clear answers to the questions.

It was amazing. My family is a family that talks. About things that matter. About issues. About life. Yet, here we were with a communication problem, a relational problem. Tension was pretty high at the beginning of our courageous conversation. We needed Chris there to guide us, to take us into and through the conversation.

We found there were ways we cut off communication when it came to sharing our hearts. The Courageous Conversation is designed to avoid these and other pitfalls in communication. As we stuck to one person’s issue, as we re-verbalized to one another, as we died to self (no complaining, blaming, or explaining when it’s the other person’s issue), God began to open up our hearts to one another. Dad heard me and I heard him. And he heard himself. Truth opened up. We gained a plan for meeting my emotional needs and becoming one in spirit.

My dad was able to know me at a deep level. He found a new freedom and joy in his own life, and the world has opened for me. The huge amount of energy I was expending trying to suppress negative emotions can now be used in positive ways. I feel loved and cared for and can rest in my father’s protection and care. My father and I are at ease together and he regularly hugs and holds me. These are ways he communicates and personally demonstrates my heavenly Father’s love to me on a day-to-day basis.

Life is a continual growth process. Every day brings new needs in each of our lives and relationships. But that first conversation was truly ground breaking for my father and me and our relationship. Now we have a way to go to one another and quickly defuse any growing tension. It’s not about never failing. It’s not about being adequate or inadequate. It’s about never stopping pursuing the relationship.

Read an article by Christy on Winning a Daughter’s Heart

Posted by Chris Hogan on Thursday, March 30, 2006 at 06:21 AM