Building Bridges of Communication

In every battle there are heroes and there are zeros. Heroes save other’s lives; zeroes are only concerned about their own lives. To win the battle for the hearts of our children, we must continually go from being a zero to becoming a hero. At some point, every relationship will experience an emtional downturn and it is crucial that we learn to how to connect by building bridges of communication across the “ocean of emotion.” These are defining moments in which we have the opportunity to become a hero by willingly losing our lives, or a zero by trying to save our lives.

A Hero’s Motto

A hero’s motto is, “He who seeks to gain his life will lose it, but he who loses his life will gain it.” Jim Elliott, a heroic missionary who died trying to save the Auca Indians once said, “He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.” We must discern what is worth dying for as a hero and what is worth living for.

God’s Pattern for Heroes

Heroes learn to come, call, clothe and connect in their relationships. They model the pattern of restoration/redemption set by God when He came into the Garden to reconcile Adam and Eve. He called them out of hiding to courageously resolve their most pressing issues. He then clothed them with His righteousness so they could once again be connected and in His presence. God the Son came to the earth, called us unto Himself, clothed us in His righteousness, and connected us to our Heavenly Father. Jesus is our example of a hero who willingly laid down His life.

A Zero’s Pattern

We become Zeroes when we follow our natural inclinations to come, see, conquer, and then withdraw in irresponsibility, thereby breaking connection in relationship. We act like a zero when we come to take, we identify what we want, we demand or manipulate others to cooperate with us, we judge them when they do not willingly comply, then we punish them by withholding our love. Being a zero results in guilt, justification, blame, and self-deception. Both parties are no longer energized by the relationship, but drained by negative emotions of fear, anger, shame, disgust, and despair.

The Root Cause of Being a Zero

The Apostle Paul tells us the root cause of being a zero: it is the lack of love as the compelling force behind every thought, word, or action. “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing,” I am a zero. (See 1 Corinthians 13:2.)

David is an Example of a Hero

A hero knows how to encourage himself in the Lord so he can be a giver instead of a taker. Heroes know how to inquire of the Lord for a strategy to pursue, overtake, and recover all in the advancement of God’s kingdom. In 1 Samuel 30, David encounters the ocean of emotion as he and his men return home to Ziklag, only to find their city burned and their families taken into captivity. They all weep until they can weep no more and then David’s own men talk of stoning him. It is in this defining moment that David reveals whether he is a zero or a hero. He encourages himself in the Lord, he leads his men in prayer, he inquires of the Lord and gets a confirmation to pursue, overtake and recover all. David is once again a hero! He connected with his men, he reunited with his family, and he built bridges of communication and trust with the cities of Judah by justly dividing the spoils of war.

The 4 Heroic Deeds of Relationship

To erect a bridge of communication that can span the “ocean of emotion” you will need to master four heroic deeds, you will need to come, call, clothe, and connect. It requires courage in the presence of fear to navigate your relationship back into connection. A summary of these four heroic deeds are as follows:

1 Come – Create a safe place to share from the heart

We create a safe place by humbling ourselves and preferring another in honor (Romans 12:10,16). Before creating safety for others, we must first encourage ourselves in the Lord and receive all our needs of safety, affirmation, and security from the Lord. Then out of our own heart flows an atmosphere of security and worth. Secondly, we inquire of the Lord for a plan to significantly impact others for their good. We find sufficiency in Christ to reveal the love of God that leads to reconciliation.

2 Call – Listen with an understanding heart

When we delight to be with someone, to consider their troubles, and to know their soul in adversity, we are building a bridge that connects. Developing the skill of asking questions and listening with an understanding heart is the key to effectively pursue the heart of a person. “Counsel in the heart of man is like deep water; but a man of understanding will draw it out” (Proverbs 20:5). The failure to ask wise questions and to willingly listen is interpreted by others as the absence of care and concern.

3 Clothe – Repair the ruptures of the heart

All relationships will experience the “ocean of emotion” at some point. Most ruptures occur as a result of being “oblivious to the obvious”—when people are self-centered and oblivious to how their choices are hurting others. When these moments are handled by the natural impulse to come, see, conquer, and retreat; guilt and blame result. However, when we pay the debt (hurt) of our offenders and clothe them with Christ’s righteousness, we are removing the guilt and therefore the blame that disconnect us through criticism and defensiveness. (See Proverbs 10:12, 17:9.) We also release ourselves from the poison of bitterness. By overtaking the enemy of our relationships with mercy and truth, we meet at the cross where righteousness and peace have kissed. Once again love flows from a pure heart, a good conscience, and a sincere faith (1 Peter 1:22). This all happens as we go to the throne of God’s grace in the time of need to experience and extend His grace.

4 Connect – Become as one heart

We recover all when we connect and stand fast in one spirit, with one mind, striving together for the faith of the gospel. We experience the joy of the Lord when we are likeminded, having the same love, being of one accord, and working together as one body. As we dwell together in harmony, God commands His blessing that makes one rich and he adds no sorrow to it (Psalm 133, Proverbs 10:22). Standing secure in Christ and extending His grace to others, we experience the blessing of individual maturity and full family connection. Only through the leading of God’s Spirit can we achieve the complex balance of mercy and truth that creates the flexibility and adaptability to become one.

To learn more read the article _Zero to Hero.

Zero to Hero Conferences

Look for the upcoming Zero to Hero conferences for Families, Marriages, and Organizations. These are 1 1/2 day conferences that focus on the four heroic deeds of relationship.

Posted by Chris Hogan on Tuesday, February 05, 2008 at 12:54 PM

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